The Genoan Hulk
by Gater101
Summary: OneShot. The only upside was that he hadn't turned green.


Title: The Genoan Hulk  
Summary: The only upside was that he hadn't turned green.  
Characters: John & Ronon  
Pairing: John/Teyla  
Rating: K+

The device, the Genoan people told them, hadn't been tested but in the simulations, the results looked promising. The only problem was that they'd told Sheppard's team this after Sheppard had turned into something resembling the incredible hulk and _had managed to walk through several walls_, trampled a few fields of corn down and riddled people's homes with punch holes, mottled the ground with his heavy footsteps and scared the population half to death.

It hadn't been so bad at the time, Sheppard vaguely remembered. It was only when he was recovering in the infirmary – after having broken the main window in the control room and attempting to leap from the window in a move Batman would have been proud of – that Sheppard began to feel... well, the _pain. _

The come down was always the worst part. Whether it be pot in college, Iratus adrenaline or alien device, the hangover was always the worst part. Add to that the ache of having destroyed a whole towns food for the winter, someone's shelter from the impending storms and the entire village's infrastructure meant that the only upside was that he hadn't turned green.

The residual yellow and purple bruises were bad enough.

"McKay's annoyed that he's not the only one who's been turned into a super hero."

John tried to smile at Ronon's attempt at humour. It hurt the muscles in his face when he did it which is why he hadn't done it often in the last few days – not only because he was in a bit of a stinker of a mood.

"I don't know how many times I've told him that I win because I was the Pegasus version of Spider-Man long before he got his powers."

Ronon grunted a laugh.

"That's what I said."

John quirked an eyebrow and looked away, his bad mood returning. He looked out the window in his quarters, watching as the sun glittered off the many spires of Atlantis and for the first time since he'd arrived, he wished he could close the curtains. He fiddled with the small rubber ball in his hand and tossed it in the air, catching it in his open palm before repeating the gesture.

He really wanted to be alone. He was in no mood for company; his head ached, his body screamed in protest at the slightest movement and he needed time to think of a suitable way to repay the Genoans for the destruction he'd caused.

Even though it was kind of their fault.

"Where were you and Teyla last night, anyway?" He said grumpily, tossing his bouncy ball off the bed, watching as it bounces feebly a few times before coming to a stop against the wall. He turned his eyes to Ronon when he didn't answer, watching the doe eyed expression on the Satedan's face with interest. "What?"

"We... uh..." Ronon looked away and John frowned. He'd had to spend the night in Rodney's teasing company and Rodney's teasing company was not something he particularly enjoyed at the best of times, never mind when he had the Universe's Worst Hangover. "We watched a movie." John's eyes narrowed slightly. "One of the Marines gave us a DVD in the hallway yesterday; he told us..." Ronon couldn't hide the snigger, though he tried.

John simply huffed and looked away, folding his arms across his chest.

"It was Incredible Hulk, wasn't it?" Ronon nodded, the grin on his face more teasing than John could handle. "Did you enjoy it?"

Ronon grimaced slightly and shook his head.

"I preferred your version the other day," he said with a sly grin and John tossed a scrunched up sweet wrapper in his direction, which the Satedan expertly avoided.

"What did Teyla think?"

"She thinks your people are strange." John nodded in agreement. "She thinks... She thinks you're avoiding her."

John snapped his head around and stared at Ronon.

"What? She was here the other day."

Ronon shrugged.

"I'm just saying." He looked away. "And if you were, I couldn't blame you."

John frowned and sneered slightly, wondering at what the hell went through some people's minds sometimes.

"Why? Because some alien device made me ruin a village?"

Ronon levelled him with a stare.

"They were her friends, Sheppard."

"It wasn't my fault!"

Ronon lifted an eyebrow.

"Right." John huffed again, looking out the window once more. "That's not what I'm talking about, anyway." John looked at him questioningly. "I'm talking about the way you cried out for her when I stunned you." Ronon smirked as John guffawed.

"I did not." Ronon nodded, grinning smugly. "And even if I did, I wouldn't avoid her because of that." John pouted as the words left his mouth.

"Not even because you grabbed a hold of her and told her the things you want to do to her?"

John sat up in bed, his eyes widening to the size of saucers as he stared, unbelieving at Ronon. And Ronon only nodded, closing his eyes to hide the mirth in them. John shook his head, twisting his mouth in a disbelieving smile.

"No I didn't."

Ronon opened his eyes and watched John's face and John felt the irresistible urge to punch the Satedan in the face to remove the smug smile. Ronon looked down and shook his head, amused and John narrowed his eyes.

"No – you didn't." John threw his pillow at him, hitting the Satedan on the face, even as Ronon roared with laughter. "But you pretty much admitted you want to do things to her."

John sat back and glowered, folding his arms across his chest.

"Shut up," he grumbled as Ronon continued to chuckle and John kicked the bed aimlessly. "I hate this crap," he cursed as he looked down to his hands, wincing as he flexed his bruised knuckles.

"You're the one who wanted to be the hero."

John threw him a glare and shook his head.

"I thought I was doing them a favour," he scrubbed at his face with a yellow hand and groaned. "Remind me never to do it again."

Ronon snorted.

"No promises." John glared at him through his fingers. "It was pretty funny."

"Yeah, yeah."

"I better go, anyway." Ronon stood and walked towards the door, pausing only to turn to John and tell him, "she really does think you're avoiding her."

John waved him off, sighing as the doors slid shut.

He would talk to her; he'd just wait until he wasn't quite so volatile.

Volatile and yellow, tinged purple at the edges. John groaned.

His life never got any easier.


End file.
